What are You Noticing?

If you took a few seconds to write down the words and phrases that have been most on your mind this past week, what would you write? As the New Year continues to get underway, what are you noticing about yourself and your life right now? Here’s the short list of what’s on my mind: mercy, beginner, rest, champion, delight, stay the course, and roots.

Sunday, I took a drive to a place I haven’t been in years and years. If you read my Instagram post, you might be familiar with part of this story. I’d been talking with my cousin about cultivating delight over coffee last Friday, and sometime on Saturday, I realized I needed to get back into delight. So I stayed up much later than I’d planned and woke up earlier than I wanted, and hit the road. I’d found a little French bakery online that sounded lovely, so I made my way there. I sat reading for a while, reflecting again on who I’m becoming right now and where that’s leading me this year. I drank dark roast coffee and ate the amazing croissant with eggs and gouda, and didn’t finish it on the spot on account of really wanting to eat the small-ish eclair I’d ordered. Ha. I really went for it. And it was the best.

I considered areas of my life where I’m still experiencing growing pains and have an awareness of my need for transformation. I wondered about experiencing mercy in my own life in order that I might better offer much-needed mercy out here in the real world (something I talked about in this Forward Friday segment). I considered what it means that I’m a beginner right now and how I’ll always be a beginner—someone willing to grow and transform into better consistently, no matter what I think I know already. I wondered what it looks like to rest in the midst of all that life is right now—in the good and the challenges, and the realities that desperately need to change in the world. I wondered what it means that in this place of being, that I’m already succeeding somehow (like a champion—winning and doing it well), even when I feel like I’m not. If you’re hard on yourself, as I tend to be on myself, you might understand that in your own way.

Then I ended up in the actual spot I haven’t visited in maybe 17 years now. I didn’t plan on going there, honestly. It wasn’t on my radar for the day. But, I was so close in proximity and thought it could be really nice to see it again. It’s a place that held sweet memories way back then, but for me now, it also holds the memories of what happened in the months that followed the sweet. Have you recently gone back to revisit a part of your story that you didn’t know you needed to look at? Well, that became the rest of my morning into the early part of the afternoon and it was so, so good for me.

On the drive back, my thoughts shifted. I started to think about my grandparents and my roots. I thought about the way they set a precedent for our family in the way of being pioneers—really on both sides, paternal and maternal. They were those who willingly set out into the unknown because there was a call into more life and freedom ahead of them in a direction they’d not yet been. I felt deeply grateful for all they endured, all they risked, and the faith they mustered to explore, discover, settle, and establish from there. What a treasure. What a launching point. What incredible stock I’ve come from. It reminded me that I, too, can stay the course in my life right now. Between that coffee date Friday, a phone call from a friend checking in on me Saturday, and all of these considerations on my day-trip Sunday, I discovered how I needed that reminder this weekend. No matter what has been, the good and the challenging, there is more of both ahead. That’s life. It’s found in the moments, in the noticing, and in the decision to carry on to grow and transform in the process.

So I’ll ask again: what are you noticing right now? Where is that leading you as you continue to move through the moments and experiences of this New Year? What connecting points are you finding that might help you gain perspective on what’s valuable, what’s needed, and who you’re becoming in the process? And, how might engaging delight in your life usher you into deeper places of noticing in the days ahead?

Why is Hearing so Hard?

During the past few weeks, I’ve had a couple of opportunities to share what was real for me as I processed some loss and grief. In two of those moments, what I noticed was how unheard and abandoned I felt. My story became a launching point for others to share their own stories and the conversation derailed to focus on their memories, instead of the pain I was in. I wasn’t necessarily wanting these moments to be like, “Me-me-me,” but if I’m honest, I needed them to be about me for just a few minutes.

I’ve found this to be pretty common, though. In an attempt to relate, often we’ll jump in and share. I’ve done it a lot. You probably have, too. And, for me, instead of feeling seen, heard, and comforted in the midst of the pain I was in, I felt invisible, unheard, and worse than I did when the conversations started. In fact, as I walked through both of these experiences I found myself feeling very angry. The truth is, I just needed someone to sit with me, to tell me they understood how much it must hurt, and honestly, just to hug me.

As I worked through this process, I recognized how my personal experience connects to what we’re seeing more broadly right now. A whole lot of people are expressing their own stories of pain back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, at one another; my guess is that these individuals and groups of people are wanting to be seen, wanting to be heard and understood, and wanting to receive comfort in some measure. Sure, there are folks mixed up in there with motives that are extremely harmful, but if we’re willing to pull our attention away from the fringes and look in the middle, I think we’ll begin to notice the common threads of our humanity and need.

If it’s hard to hear our loved ones, to receive them in the midst of what they’re going through, imagine (and we probably don’t have to imagine too hard here) how we’re doing out “there” with those we don’t know so well. In an effort for our voices to be heard, our places of pain to receive comfort, we’re missing each other. And it’s devastating us.

Also during the past few weeks, I ended up on a call with a friend of mine who was able to hear me. She made space for me to share, she asked questions, she encouraged me in how she saw me moving through the grief, and she prayed with and for me. I left that experience feeling renewed, hopeful, loved, and motivated to move forward. What a difference the approach made.

But the truth is, my friend is equipped to meet others in that way. She’s practiced over many years. She’s grown in her ability to sit with others, hear them out, and respond with comfort, and in hope. One piece of recognition that helped me a lot as I considered all three experiences is that some folks were not equipped to hear me, while another was. When I accepted that truth, I felt a lot of compassion for those who couldn’t meet me in my pain. My anger dissipated and my expectations were, once again, better aligned with current reality.

It got me thinking about how I’m doing when it comes to showing up for those closest to me, and those along my path (in real life and real social media life). Am I postured to notice who is in pain? Am I able to hear what they’re actually saying? Do I want to? Am I willing to? How am I responding? Am I ignoring them? Am I sharing my own pain right back? Am I really listening and hearing them? Am I willing to bring comfort?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been so tempted to point fingers this last year. I’ve been so tempted to align with one group or another group. I’ve been so tempted to ignore the pain of one group in order to advocate for the pain felt by another group. It has felt chaotic and confusing. And, I haven’t known what to do with it or how to best help.

In my life right now, I’m recognizing the challenging work of holding all of these realities in tandem. I’m recognizing how much it means to me when I’m seen, heard, and comforted. I’m recognizing how I can do that for others and I know that across the board, people are hurting right now. Like me, in the absence of being seen, heard, comforted, they’ve grown angry. That anger has escalated, taken to our online platforms, into our streets and cities, to our Capitol, and it has lodged itself in our hearts.

But what if you and I can show up, practicing as my friend has done for many years, and sit with, listen to, seek to understand, and bring comfort and hope this year? Without overpowering their pain with our own memories or stories, without taking on the offense by pointing fingers at other people or groups, without taking on resentment, judgment, and vengeance that grow out of unchecked anger, what if we held it all in tandem and really heard—everyone? What if in this grand reset we’re in, we became the most loving, helpful, understanding, comforting people? And what if, by choosing to look into the middle, we became the peaceMAKERS?

If you’d like to join me in practicing, it’s truly the reason I felt compelled to get my new book out so fast. You can preorder it and do the work alongside me—it will take you deep. (The complimentary workbook download you’ll automatically receive with your preorder exists for this purpose.) I’m here to better hear so that I can help create transformative solutions in 2021, my friends. What about you?

Dream it, Do the Work, Celebrate it

I received my proof for my new book today. Opening the package, I felt excited and full of anticipation. It got me thinking of how far I’ve come in the past 16 years, specifically. See, in 2004 I had an idea for a book but it took me 14.5 years to move forward to then publish The Spin Cycle in 2019. Through those years, I moved to yet another new state (I’d just moved in 2004, then made another move in 2009), changed jobs a few times, and finally launched my companies. In the midst of all of those brave transitions, I was still filled with so much self-doubt and struggled to sit down and write.

In 2014, I left the nonprofit arena, and committed to moving the book forward over the next year. This meant, as I was stepping into the for-profit lane, I only devoted half my time there so the book had a chance (know-thyself). Ultimately, it was me finally making the decision to take myself seriously. What I had been on the fence about for so long became my greatest focus. And, I knew the business piece would come as I sorted out exactly what I wanted to contribute and build in that lane.

I’ll never forget waking up around 5 AM each day and getting to a favorite coffee shop around 6 AM. I’d sit, find my words, and type, type, type. Seeing my daily progress made a huge difference in my life. My commitment to the process, to making the dream real, reshaped me. No longer was I talking about “someday,” I was now doing the work every day. Even though it took an additional few years from there to publish, I look back on those early days of focus with so much hope and happiness.

Holding my new book in my hands today, I remembered what it felt like to receive The Spin Cycle proof. I cried when I opened that package. Today was a little different. I just felt satisfied and glad. The thing about overcoming the first massive hurdle is that it has made the second go-around that much simpler and somehow, sweeter. From idea to release date, How to be a Better Human, 12 Practices for Standing Strong in a Strung-Out World, will total just over 7-weeks. Let me type that again (mostly for my own sense of awe): 7 WEEKS.

Granted, it is a very different book. The first is narrative, the story of my life from ages 20-31, and is more of a pick-up-the-learnings as you go kind-of feel. This one is far more focused on personal development while weaving in story and practical application. I like both for different reasons. Nonetheless, it feels like a massive achievement and I know it is.

Why do I share this today? I want you to see in yourself what I could not see in myself for so very many years. It’s IN YOU to do it. Build the dream, do the work, heal through your hang-ups, write a better story. Were it not for the wisdom, guidance, and ongoing grace and mercy of God, I wouldn’t be where I am now. He has, and continues to be so faithful to me. I just wish I’d seen what He has seen so much sooner. And, whether you know Him or not, my great hope for you today is that you can see what is IN YOU. (Repetitive with purpose.)

Friend, if I can release two books in under two years (and I think I now have at least two more in the hopper for 2021), you can make your dream a reality. I’m a girl with a ton of words. It just so happens that writing is an outlet I love and enjoy (mostly ;) ). And, here I am moving that natural bent, talent, and love forward. In the process, it’s my great hope that what I share helps you, of course. For me, I just know I have to keep going.

So, what is in you? What have you been dreaming of? I encourage you today—commit! Do the work. It’s really fun to celebrate at the end of it all. I promise.

Comfortable in Your Own Skin

There’s a saying I heard growing up, and perhaps you did, too. People would say, “Wow, she/he’s so comfortable in her/his own skin.” Some folks seemed to come by this “comfort” with ease and early on, while others seemed to gain it over time. In my case, it regularly eluded me.

When I took a vocational leap and moved to Boston in the early 2000s, a friend sent me a card during that transition season with this cover and inscription: Your strength may surprise you … The rest of us already know.

I was undone by these words because I really didn’t see it. My approach was always one of, this makes sense so I’ll step into it. Logic-based, with a hint of mystery, continues to be my posture. Over the years since that first big leap and move, others would encourage me and share how special they thought I was and I’d politely nod my head and thank them but honestly, I’d leave those conversations and wonder what they meant. For a long, long time and in so many respects, I didn’t know who I really was, what I was made of, and why it mattered.

Instead, I faced an internal battle where I wrestled constantly with comparison, insecurity, and even jealousy. I felt nervous around people who seemed to know who they were and where they were headed. In the wake of their confidence, often I’d shrink when I could have risen. I felt so less-than in many ways, but I also struggled with pride in areas of competence. If you’ve been around me at all, you likely know that piece of my story. Becoming competent meant safety, security, belonging, and acceptance. It kept me in control. Competence was the end-all for me for a long, long time. If I didn’t feel competent or see myself as capable to become competent in a job role or relational interaction, I’d typically bow out.

In my early days of entrepreneurism, I depended on the confidence others had in me in order to keep going and take the necessary risks while working to develop and grow my companies. But I lacked confidence in myself. I’ve often looked back on those days and wondered how I really could have better served my clients if only I’d believed in myself and trusted my voice. Leaning heavily on my talents, I really didn’t understand how being myself, in all the complexity and simplicity, was the special offering I had to make. Being that person was really what mattered and what was needed.

When I talk to you about living your purpose and getting freed up from the realities that keep you stuck, I do it from a place of compassion. I’ve lived it. I was so, so stuck for many years without knowing how being stuck affected every aspect of my life. But, for the most part, I looked very good on the outside. I kept it together because if I didn’t, all of the pieces I juggled would come crashing down. My life was like a house of cards. And I knew it. I didn’t want to be found out. I was terrified of what would happen if people knew how deeply I struggled, how ugly my thoughts were, how truly incapable I felt most of the time, and how much I depended on their approval to keep it together. I gave so much power away in my dependency on others and in my insatiable need of their acceptance.

My constant encouragement as I look back on those seasons is knowing that God knew. He knew the roots. He knew the why. He knew what He made me to be and how to get me freed up to live wholly myself. He knew what it would take for me to be comfortable in my own skin.

And it has been a journey, filled with literal trials and errors. My experiences have stretched me. I’ve been invited into places and into relationships I never could have anticipated back then. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been misunderstood. I’ve caused harm. I’ve worked to reconcile. I’ve been released. I’ve been supported. Seasons have been race-car-fast and slower than molasses. Life has been my classroom. Relationships have been my teachers. Work experiences have inevitably shaped me and equipped me for what’s next. Nothing has been wasted.

Let me say that again … NOTHING has been wasted.

And I’m still in it today. I haven’t arrived. This past year, I’ve been pursuing with great intentionality deeper healing with my family. I’ve gone back to the drawing board to discern better what I really am made to offer to my clients. My heart has enlarged as I’ve witnessed the harm we cause one another out in society, as a whole, and what I’m to do about that from my place of influence. Priorities have had to be evaluated and aligned better with what’s most important for me to give time to, create, and steward.

If I told you what I’ve lost along this journey, some of it would break your heart. If I’ve told you what I’ve gained along this journey, you’d likely be in awe. It’s a mixed bag, my friends. What I continue to cling to in the place of moving forward is that I’m not alone, there is purpose, hope, and joy, and that transformation is not only real but so very possible. It’s a step-by-step process, and it’s more practical than any of us might imagine. It’s not easy, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s so very worth it.

The more I’ve stepped into that place of comfort in being myself, the clearer I’ve been on what I’m here for, and the more willing I’ve been to let people, work, and inferior motives, practices, and ways of being go (like, “There’s the door—see ya!”). I’ve been learning what I have time for and what I don’t have time for—I’ve made decision-after-decision to keep going in the face of adversity. I’ve looked and continue to look closely at my own motives and agreements in order to gain deeper levels of freedom so I can be the most whole, free, and joyful me.

And, it’s what I invite you into—this is why I’m here. To journey with you through the highs and lows and in-betweens. By Grace, I’ve continued to move forward and in the Truth, I continue to transform. These realities cannot exist apart from one another, after all.

So, what do you say that we all keep going and growing? Let’s choose in, let’s allow ourselves the honor of becoming who we were made to be, and let’s take joy in the mystery of the process. Let’s be those who are truly comfortable in our own skin.

Let's Be Better—Because We Can

Taking my morning walks has become such a valuable activity to think and consider life these days. More than not, I’m leaning into quiet and actual conversations more than news and social media engagement. The stress, division, and outright hatred simply aren’t worth it to me anymore. The set-aside time in my mornings helps me to focus on what’s of greatest value, who I am and how I’m becoming, and what areas of my life I need to address and move forward.

These times we live in extend so many opportunities to us, inviting us to reveal who we actually are on the inside. What’s your measuring stick? Who are you at the core? Do your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors result in integrity in your life? What I mean is: Do your thoughts, emotions, actions, and your words align with who you say you are and what you claim to believe? Do mine?

The truth is that for me, as a follower of Jesus, I can no longer stand to partner with anything in my life that is contrary to goodness, Truth, and actual Love. This is the side I choose and continue to choose over and over again. Do I do this perfectly? Not by a long shot. But as I become more like Him in this process, the ways of death leave my life. He’s my measuring stick. No party, no platform, no person has the power to override who He is and what He’s up to, even when all of the “sides” claim to be on His side. To me, this matters because …

If we say we Love, we cannot partner with fear. If we say we Love, we cannot hate another. If we say we Love, we must love actual Truth. If we say we Love, we must hold ourselves accountable for the hypocrisy in our own hearts and lives. If we say we Love, we must get into the mess of it with the messy. If we say we Love, we must come alongside those with whom we disagree to reach understanding. If we say we Love, we must examine ourselves and consider our own personal standard, our measuring stick, and ask if we meet that mark. If we say we Love, we must operate in humility, generosity, kindness, and goodness with everyone. We cannot say we Love and gossip, slander, blame-shift, hate, judge, accuse, and condemn. Evil and evil actions we must hate. People, including those engaging in evil actions, we must Love. How do we separate the reality of that experience from the person well? We must operate in Love, wisdom and discernment.

I’m concerned that we are becoming what we judge. This is a natural consequence of hypocrisy, after all. We become blind to how we do the very things we judge others for and yet we don’t see it in ourselves. Ask me what I feel most grieved about these days, and I’ll answer the above over and over again. How can we move forward if we do not examine ourselves? How can we move forward if we will not take personal responsibility for the contribution we make to the problems at hand? Does it matter to us anymore that we live hypocritically while calling everyone else out on their actual or perceived hypocrisy?

You and I can be better. We can be slow to anger. We can stay much, much longer at the table because we really desire to find the common ground. We can live an unoffended life. We can stop gossiping and slandering and refuse to participate when someone else does. We can honor. We can find the good. We can hold ourselves accountable. We can be truly integrious by examining our beliefs, thoughts, words, emotions, and actions to ensure we are healing and transforming into the person we say that we are and/or want to be.

The trouble is, what I’ve shared requires a lot of us. Much like improving our health by eating a diet of whole foods, drinking water, eliminating sugar, exercising, getting adequate sleep, and sunshine, we must be disciplined and self-controlled. Often, we go for the pill or the quick, processed meal instead of engaging in practices that produce health and life in us. Our decisions to be better as we relate to ourselves, one another, and those in society depend on our willingness to literally root out the laziness, hypocrisy, and evil inside of ourselves first. Let us commit to do that foundational work and then see what remains to accomplish around us. My guess is, we’ll have a whole lot less to confront if we’d all choose to personally dig in, heal, and transform.

If you’re ready to do the work and live with integrity in every area, I invite you to join me now through the end of the year as I provide 20-or-so minutes of complimentary coaching on Instagram Live each Friday at 12 PM EST on topics that are geared toward helping each of us (myself included!) to be better by digging into areas that keep us from Love. For those who receive my weekly emails, you will also receive follow-up questions to consider each Tuesday to help you personally process and move forward.

Here’s the listing of the series with links to topics we’ve covered recently. And hey, if you happen to think, “Wow, _________ should totally get coached on that topic …” Well, to put it directly, it’s probably for you, too.

The Power of Self-Examination, 10/2/20

The Power of Personal Responsibility, 10/9/20

The Power of Humility, 10/16/20

The Power of Brokenheartedness, 10/23/20

The Power of Forgiveness, 10/30/20

The Power of Living Without Offense, 11/6/20

The Power of Sitting in Our Pain, 11/13/20

The Power of Overcoming, 11/20/20

The Power of Being With Others, 11/27/20

The Power of Telling the Truth, 12/4/20

The Power of Renewing Your Mind, 12/11/20

The Power of Generosity, 12/18/20

From me to you: Let’s be better—because we can.

The Power of Our Agreements

Each and every day we make agreements. The way we use our voices to agree, "yes" or "no" or even "wait", is powerful. Personal transformation occurs when we look at our agreements and what they are producing in our lives. I had some technical issues getting this video posted to Instagram last Friday, so here it is for your viewing.

How are you using your voice to move forward powerfully in the way of personal responsibility and personal transformation these days?

I’d love to hear in the comments below!

And, if you’d like to take some new steps forward, please join us for Breakthrough Beliefs this Fall. You can get notified here when registration goes live on 9/22/20.

Finding Common Ground

2020 has been a year unlike any other. Perhaps that’s the understatement of understatements. There has been so much sharing and shouting, loss and grieving, canceling and separating, and uncertainty and waiting. I took time during my weekly Instagram Live to provide four steps to move through exhaustion right now because the more I listen and interact, and the more I live my own story in this season, “exhausted” is something I’m hearing and feeling a lot—can you relate?

In a time of so much upheaval, I’m concerned we are seeing further division because we just might not be listening to each other—and what I mean is, listening for real. The kind of listening that results in being heard and understood. The kind of listening that leads to connection, even when what’s understood is that we still have differences of experience and perspective at the end of the day. The kind of listening that leads us into solutions because we have chosen to care to hear and in that sharing, taking turns—one to another, we might find a way forward.

So much these days, I find us debating instead of engaging in discourse. Who has the better stats and talking points and data and so on. Who’s right and who’s wrong? Who’s good and who’s evil? We’re great at debate in America. You can say something and I can say something right back without ever hearing what you said, really. I can make assumptions about what you mean and not leave room for the possibility that I might actually understand something newly if I was truly willing to hear you and see you. Debate makes for awesome media coverage, though. It’s packed with drama and “he said/she said” and keep us coming back to see the same mess over and over again.

Gosh, that cycle is deeply exhausting. How does it affect you? As I continue to learn and grow in these times, I am committed to seeing us create a better path forward, one where we go together.

Years ago, I went through a very challenging season with someone I worked with who was also a friend. At one point we hit an impasse relationally and as life moved onward, unfortunately, we didn’t choose to believe the best about each other. So much was wrapped up in assumptions and lack of communication and misunderstandings. And one day, everything hit the proverbial fan. It was delightful. Wish you could have been there. ;)

The story goes that one day my friend made a decision at work that undermined the direction for a project I was overseeing. Because of the project’s deadline, I had no choice but to call them directly to address the offense. You might wonder, why was it a big deal to call them? Great question … See, there was a third player involved who was in a position of both friendship and professional authority in both our lives. That person had instructed each of us separately to not deal directly with the other, to “take a break” I think is how it was “suggested” and so we did.

Back on the phone, we had moved through a few very tense minutes working through the current offense when they said, “Well, that’s not REALLY what this is all about anyway! …”

What could they mean? I was so confused. I pressed for more detail and they went on to share how, around the same time of the “take a break” dialogue, that same person in authority had disclosed a very specific and personal detail about me that shaped the way my friend viewed every interaction from that point on.

This disclosure prompted one of my own as that same authority figure had done the same thing with me, sharing a very specific and personal detail about my friend that was used as a reason for the “break”. As soon as I shared, we both sat in silence on our respective ends of the phone line. All of the tension evaporated as light shone in. We gained perspective on how we’d both been duped into division.

We each viewed the other as the problem, the one with the issue. (Key: we were both the issue!) We were set up and fell for it. Control is a nasty master. Instead of pulling us into a room together, instead of offering to mediate a conversation to clear up the ongoing frustrations and help us to reconcile our differences, our mutual friend used the trust established through our personal relationships and their professional authority to cultivate a deeper divide by separating us. Communication was cut off, misunderstandings were deepened, and nothing moved forward in health. And maybe in their own way they really were trying to help, but the truth is that the gossip, the slander, and the separation made everything worse not better. And for the record, it never-ever makes anything better.

I’ve learned some pretty critical lessons in my time, but this one lands in my top three. When my friend and I started into that messy conversation, we had no idea what we were about to uncover—we weren’t even looking for it. But boy am I thankful I chose to make that call. Boy am I thankful we both were willing to sit in the tension and speak our minds. And, boy am I thankful for the way the truth came to light.

So today:

• What does it look like to be willing to go for the root, to get to the bottom, of what’s really going on?

• What practical steps can we take to listen to understand, to come together in discourse, not debate?

• How might we choose to look for and identify our common ground?

• Where are we currently being duped into division?

• How can we bridge the gap?

This I know to be true: We can build upon common ground. Healing will come. Hope will pour in. Transformation will happen. We just have to be willing to see each other again. To listen for real. To everybody. Perhaps especially those we currently laugh at, ignore, mock, completely disagree with, dishonor, feel dishonored by, cancel, fill in the blank.

It starts with me. It starts with you. Together, let us no longer be duped into division.

Hope and peace, my friends.

The Standstill is Awakening Us

I didn’t really mean to sit down to write today. It wasn’t on my to-do list (though, I have been thinking about how much I’m not writing these days). But as the rain splashes down on rooftops all over Orlando and the grey settles in for it’s third (I think, who’s keeping track?) day, I actually wanted to write.

I’ve been in work-mode over here, creating a lot. If you follow me on Instagram you’ve heard that a bit this week. I surfaced for air, still feeling far from my goals being completed due to umpteen million steps between here and there, to notice that people are sharing how they’re “over it.” I started to feel with them, perhaps you. I cried as I engaged the heaviness of that feeling last night. Today, I feel like crying again but in celebration of it honestly.

There’s a sweetness in seeing that it doesn’t take too long to come to the end of ourselves. When the whole wide world shuts down, mere weeks (maybe 6-7 for many in my area) is all it has required for us to be confronted with the missing, with what’s rising in place of all of the things that used to occupy us, with our habits and go-to comforts. There’s so much beauty in this mess we’re in. The standstill is awakening us.

What are you being alerted to, awakened to, annoyed by?

What are those pieces teaching you about you and what’s underneath?

Where has it come from?

Personally, I already spend quite a bit of time by myself in life so I’ve delved deeper into the quiet. Some days into Amazon Prime. Sometimes into sugar. Often into work. I’ve been tinkering and considering and collaborating and looking at the clock wondering how it is that I haven’t stepped outside on many a day. I’ve pressed into prayer and I’ve avoided it. I’ve slept in and I’ve stayed up way too late for this early morning riser. I’ve walked the hallway between my living room, office, and my bedroom a zillion times. I’ve opened my blinds in the morning and closed them in the evening. I’ve cooked. I’ve baked. I’ve taken a course and haven’t completed all of the steps—I’ve wondered if that’s okay, if I’m okay, because I feel tired and over-stimulated and over the even good-for-me input. I’ve wondered if the work I’m doing, the building—the not so glamorous behind the scenes activities—matters. I’ve wondered if it matters that it matters or if my simple faithfulness to steadily move the dial forward is what actually matters. Commitment to the call and purpose I have in my heart—I’ve remembered that this is what matters.

There’s a lot to be said for how we’re processing this season. I’ve noticed the pressure I still place on myself in the way of perfection. I’ve also noticed the pressure I place on myself to not care. One extreme or the other, perhaps you, too, have noticed how it can be a challenge to live in the middle, choosing to live on the edges instead?

I’ve seen how so much of how I do something or the way I think about it is ultimately connected back to wanting to be loved, protected, and provided for in this life. Those deep needs and desires manifest in some pretty interesting mindsets and behaviors in my life. I think that’s what I’m being awakened to again—Love. I often associate its requirements looking a lot like me losing myself for the sake of someone else’s forward movement, happiness, etc, or the other side of the equation for me, the one that says I have to earn it.

Not everyone responds this way, of course. How do you see yourself in relationship to Love? What do you think it requires of you? What do you require of Love? (What I mean is, what do you require of Love so that you know you are loved, protected, and provided for—what demands do you place upon it?)

My awakening has ushered in an invitation I’ve received before. It says, “Come see how I do it—listen, watch, and learn from Me.” It’s not about extremes. It’s about the middle. LIFE is found in the middle. It’s not about burden but freedom. And honestly, I think many of us are uncovering where we’re currently not free. I think we’re being given this beautiful gift of time and space to actually look at and understand our burdens. I believe it’s so valuable to recognize how some sources have been posturing themselves as freedom, but it’s a lie.

So we have this wonderful opportunity to unmask them, learn about them, discover where they’ve come from in our stories, and the agreements we’ve made to walk hand-in-hand with them. This piece of the awakening is perhaps the most profound. And at the end of the day, I hope we don’t wish this moment of global Pause away too quickly in the head-and-heart-space of “over it.” Instead, I hope we willingly engage in what is so we truly come out of this season fully awake.

Tomorrow is for Tomorrow, Not for Today

One significant way we can experience comfort and reduce feelings of fear and anxiety right now is to stay present in the day we’re living in. Focusing on today, not tomorrow, empowers us to enjoy our lives today and frees us from the grip of fear and anxiety. Working through the questions below can help us to put things in perspective and stay present in the day we’re living in:

Do I have what I need for this one day? Consider physical needs, finances, emotional support needs, etc.

If not, who might be able to help me to ensure that need is met today? This can involve vulnerability and even creativity. If you need help and can’t think of anyone in your life who might be able to help with it, please let me know as I’d be glad to help you work toward a solution.

What am I grateful for in my life today? Make a list. Once you write it out, read it over and smile at all the good in your life today. Share it with someone in your life. Invite them to share what they are grateful for you, too.

Who might I check on or help today? Putting ourselves in an others-centered posture helps us to create momentum to move outside of ourselves (and any fearful or anxious thoughts we might be spinning around in) to love others well which actually helps us, too.

You are loved and there is comfort to be found in this season. Staying present in the current day instead of focusing on all of the days to come is a huge way to reduce stress and keep creativity, hope, and joy flowing! I am cheering you on as you navigate this season in health. I’m practicing this, too, and in it with you.

The Welcome House Presents: The Whole Life Workshop Series

It’s February and if you’re like me, you might feel like the year is already running away from you. No sweat. I’ve been reminding myself to slow down, take a deep breath and get back to the goals I set for myself as we crossed the threshold of 2020. Truth be told, some of that has shifted (for the best!). How about you?

One of the commitments I made this year was to connect with and serve more people. It genuinely brings me joy to help you all to move forward in life! So with all of that in mind, I got with my friends at The Welcome House here in Orlando and we decided to partner together to offer the Whole Life Workshops. And, we’re so excited to host you and help you to move forward in 2020.

This 7-workshop series will be held every other Saturday from 10 AM-Noon starting February 8, 2020. I hope you’ll join us. There are three options for registration:

1. Sign up one by one for whichever workshops interest you!

2. Pick 3 Workshops of the 7 and get a bonus video session from me delivered to your inbox in May. (Hint: the topic is not something we’re covering in the series … )

3. Pick Workshops 1-7 and get a bonus one-on-one personal coaching session with me. (How fun will that be??)

Here is the full schedule of topics:

February 8, 2020—Creating a Whole Life

In this workshop, we will capture what a typical week looks like in your world, identify priorities and help you move forward into what is most important to you.

February 22, 2020—Setting Healthy Boundaries

In this workshop, we will talk about healthy boundaries and work through a practical exercise to identify and implement boundaries where they are needed.

March 7, 2020—Making Your Best Contribution

In this workshop, we explore the activities and interests you had when you were younger, how you're currently spending your time and why all of that matters.

March 21, 2020—Clarifying Your Purpose

In this workshop, we will clarify what ignites your passion, your beliefs about your purpose, and what that means for your life today.

April 4, 2020—Making Decisions

In this workshop, we will dive into a very practical exercise to help you move forward in decision-making today, and for years to come.

April 18, 2020—Making the Most of Your Time

In this workshop, we will identify your best time for productivity each day, factors that influence your time, and how to invest your time in what matters most to you.

May 2, 2020—Living Without Regret

In this workshop, we will identify an area where you're currently living in regret, why it matters that you address the regret, and how to move forward today.

I do hope you’ll join us for one or all!

Please reach out if you have any questions. You can register here!

Living Vulnerably On Purpose

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with my dear friend and Founder of The Dinner Party Project (TDPP), Dana Marie Roquemore to share stories, dialogue about the Enneagram and talk purpose. If you haven’t had a chance to listen yet, you can find the Cocktails & Conversations Podcast on iTunes, Spotify or right here on TDPP’s website.

It has been sweet to hear from some of you that you’ve taken time to listen—thank you! The feedback you’ve offered has been encouraging. I was surprised by what I’ll call the “main takeaway/theme” I’ve noticed through your messages. It seems that the level of vulnerability in what was shared was what stood out. And, I LOVED how the conversation was conveyed in that respect. Knowing that made my heart so happy.

While I truly believe vulnerability is something we’ve started to look at more positively in the past few years (thank you, Brené Brown and others who have gone before us to cultivate dialogue and tools to help us practice vulnerability), it can still be a challenge to live vulnerably. After all, we’re exposed when we live this way. We must own our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions. We might consider this process of “ownership” as self-exposure which allows us to grow in our level of self-awareness. The outcomes of this journey tend to be quite beautiful, but the process itself is not necessarily fun or pretty. (Can I get an “Amen”? :) )

Not only that, but we must also trust that as we share what we thought, how we felt or why we behaved the way in which we behaved, that we will be received by the hearer and if we’re not received, that we will still be okay. It is RISKY to be vulnerable. We must live with a great deal of courage to do so and if you’re like me, you’re not always feeling so courageous.

One practice that’s helping me stay in my courage these days (and thereby stay in a place of vulnerability), is the simple reality that I want to live in truth as much as possible. I add the caveat “as much as possible” purposefully because, at any given time, you and I have a few blind spots and are living unaware, instead of self-aware. This is why we have friends and/or family that we love and trust—they ought to be the kind of people who tell us the truth in a loving way to help us become self-aware and wait for it, vulnerable.

And if you don’t have people in your life who love you through your stuff, holding space for you to be messy and vulnerable, I’d encourage you to do a little digging as to why that is. Sometimes we’ve been so hurt in the past that we keep people at arm’s length, sometimes we don’t want to change so we don’t want to hear anything that requires us to do so, and sometimes we’re just numb and it’s not even on our radar. I’m sure there are other “sometimes” but you get the gist … Here’s one for you, “And sometimes, ______________.”

One other way I practice courage these days is that I get to be my own friend by looking in the mirror and asking, “Hey, what’s going on with you? Why did you say that? What might have been a trigger that resulted in you behaving that way?” When I seek to help myself in this simple way, I am often amazed by what I uncover. Then, I get to go deal with the aftermath—once again, not always fun but boy is that VULNERABLE.

From me to you, let’s keep growing by living vulnerably on purpose.

P.S. If you live in the Orlando area or are planning a visit, may I suggest a wonderful experience that will allow you to practice vulnerability and courage? The Dinner Party Project is one of my absolute favorite ways to meet and connect with new people. You’ll share an amazing dinner with seven other strangers and get to know one another over the course of a few lovely hours. I highly recommend! You might even find that yours truly is the Guest Host asking you all of the questions that evening—you never know! …

Hi, It's me again ...

A new decade is nearly upon us and like many, I’ve been sorting out details regarding where I’m headed and how I arrive there. Just today I was reminded how often the simplest way to arrive somewhere is to take a step in that direction. Why do we complicate it so? (Is it just me?)

One revelation I’ve had (again) is that I’ve missed blogging. I’ve tried to restart exactly four other times between 2018 and 2019 (two of my drafts actually have nearly the same title—it was in me?— I just completely lacked follow through?). SO after a two-year hiatus, part of my best next step is to get back to it—to be present here with you. And so we begin … Again.

The wonderful and challenging reality of my past two years has been that I said yes to work outside of my comfort zone and skill set for the majority of my work life time. I’ve happily been navigating the rhythm of that work, coaching my clients, and wonder-of-wonders (!!), releasing my first book after an extensive journey from idea to actual book you can hold in your hands and read (oh and here’s a link to “The Spin Cycle”—shameless plug!). The past few years have felt like a whirlwind. No, perhaps it’s truer to share that they have been an actual whirlwind. I’ve been amazed by the way my capacity has expanded beyond where, even at my peak performance a number of years back (in an unhealthy workaholic state back then, no less), I’ve ever known. I’ve had to dig deep. I’ve had to overcome a lot. I’ve had to check my motives, my “why,” regularly to ensure I stay healthy.

If there’s anything I could share about my decisions around all of the above with you, it would be this: You and I can learn and grow and become much, much better in areas that we don’t naturally excel in AND we’ll become more well-rounded and gain fresh perspectives in the process. In order to live our purpose, on purpose, we must intentionally look into what might hold us back from becoming the greatest version of ourselves and offering our greatest contribution to the world around us.

Yet, I find that we focus so much these days on living our strengths and only choosing work we feel passionate about that we often miss opportunities to become knowledgable and wise in areas that might very well support and shore up our strengths and passions in the long term. Or, perhaps we’re in work where we aren’t using our strengths or feeling particularly passionate about what we do and we’re just hating life there. We’re living like it’s a burden. But in either case, what if our perspective shifted to this …

“I am being trained and equipped for my future hopes and desires! I’m going to be the best student here and learn all of the things!”

On my really hard days over the past couple of years, I’ve had to say the above to myself in my bathroom mirror and as I walked around my home and sometimes on the drive to and/or from the office. I’ve wanted nothing to be lost because I recognize that valuable learnings might be lost; and I hope that for you, too.

So while I still run into people who think I’ve moved away from Orlando because I’ve basically been living under a very sizable rock the past two years, I celebrate that I am indeed here. I celebrate that the best truly is to come. And, I celebrate that this is the season to get back to blogging and sharing pieces of this journey with you as I continue to move forward.

After all, how in the world can I help YOU to move forward if I’m not doing the same in my very own life?

Needless to say, “Hi, it’s me again …” I’m just so grateful to be here. More soon.