Writing has become less of a love and more of a chore over the past few years. The books I’ve released haven’t felt as much like that, but the ongoing practice of sharing on a platform like this one has for whatever reason. Lately, however, I’ve been finding ideas bubbling up again. Considerations, really. And after taking an unexpected and rather extended pause on social media this past season (still on it at the moment but I might begin to wade back in- time will tell), perhaps I’ve given myself the space to allow these considerations to rise.
I find it can be challenging to say anything of substance these days that won’t be misconstrued by others. It seems we’ve come into a greater cultural agreement that it’s somehow wonderful to live offended, entitled, as victims, and in the process, we’ve reduced ourselves to powerless people who cannot somehow take personal responsibility and move forward, despite what we face or have faced. I don’t understand it. And yet, in a way, I suppose I do understand it all at once.
My own journey over the last couple of decades has been filled with getting to the roots of many personal realities that have shaped me in both healthy and unhealthy ways. The unhealthy ways I’ve dealt with rejections, betrayals, insecurities, being victimized, loss, and more have been the places of greatest personal transformation as I’ve healed by delving into why I’ve chosen certain ways of coping and operated in repentance (doing a 180 - living newly, acknowledging my part for real, seeking reconciliation, choosing a new course, then living it). It has been messy. At times, it’s still very messy. In this process, however, I’ve had to look in the mirror and into my heart time and again to see what’s really going on with me. Why am I reacting or behaving the way I am? What do I believe? Why? What am I placing my faith or my trust in? Why? So little has to do with what other people do. It’s not that I dismiss the contribution of others outright as certainly, others do cause us harm. (Just as we cause them harm.) But the truth of the matter is, what I have done with the harm caused to me is actually paramount to what happened to me at any given juncture.
The other consideration I’ve been weighing relates to not simply wanting to add fluff, empty motivational sayings or writings, and/or more noise to the already noisy online space. So many messages come at us these days. I’ve had to reframe how and what I’m consuming because I’ve felt so “over” the vacant takes on success and what really matters. So much of the self-help, self-healing, self-marketing, self-sufficiency, self-everything leaves me wondering what we’re buying into about identity, if we really believe we can heal ourselves (I have many thoughts on this) and if any of that stuff is actually leading us into or away from life.
We’re presented with so many “problems” we face (many self-created by the way; and others are problems we’re convinced, through marketing, that we have, but don’t really have, after all). Being someone who works in the arena to help others move forward, I don’t want to add to this type of posturing. I carry concern that I’ll lack integrity trying to convince others that they need what I offer (though, some of course legitimately will be helped by the tools and resources I’ve developed and I am grateful for that). I guess my bottomline is that it’s weighty for me. I don’t take this lightly and I don’t want to add to the emptiness of this racket.
So I’m here. Inviting you to come into life in a deeper way this season as I share from this place of moved-through, as in “from the other side.” I decided many years ago that I would no longer “get over” stuff. I made a choice to move through it, so I could heal for real, and then move forward. I’m going to be saying what I have to say and letting the chips fall where they may while being open to having dialogues to understand others in the process. It’s time to hang even more deeply in the really real because so many people are struggling through intense personal chaos, crisis of identity, ongoing anxieties, belief systems that are crippling them, and finding so-called freedom in success and entitlement systems that only lead more deeply into emptiness. I can’t stand watching it, hearing it, and seeing what it’s doing to people all around me. It pains me. So, you’re welcome to hang here if any of this has stirred something in you for that kind of more. All are welcome.