Rebuild to Restore

We're still talking a lot about walls these days and continuing to build them between one another to boot. There's a very poetic statement made by a man called Isaiah who lived long ago. He says, "You will be called the repairer of broken walls, the restorer of streets where people live." I wonder about the meaning of his words a lot these days. 

Judgment and condemnation are still easy choices for us right now. Our assumptions tend toward the worst as we inhale soundbites and regurgitate them all in the same breath. That bit might be sort-of impressive if it weren't so sad. I wonder how we move forward and when we'll genuinely decide that the fighting just isn't worth it anymore. And, not because the causes don't matter, but because we begin to see how they matter more than we know. 

The walls this man spoke of were walls of protection, previously existing boundary lines that had been removed through violence. Restoring them meant ushering people back into safety and care. Restoring them meant bringing people home to experience life. 

Home is a powerful reality. We can actually offer it wherever we go. It's meant to be a place of belonging, a refuge, an experience of being seen and a place to contribute. Not everyone grew up in safety, I know. But consider the ability we have in our lives to create spaces and environments where people are welcomed, restored, known and cared for well. Imagine what happens when, as individuals and business owners and employees and community members, we stand and say, "Hey, you're valuable... Help me to understand." And, "Let me help." And, "Here's how you can help." We're all needed, after all.

If you haven't guessed, this won't come as a surprise: I'm so weary of the "us" and "them." The worst of them on a bad day is all of us. The best of them on a good day is all of us. We're connected in ways that we can't measure. By the way, It works the other way around, too.

Instead of pointing out problems, let's design solutions. Let's ask questions. Let's get out of our comfort zones and go meet one of "them."  

Let's choose to rebuild and restore people back into life. Let's rebuild the walls of protection. Let's dismantle, not establish, structures that prevent people from experiencing safety and care. Let's get to work restoring the streets where people live by being good neighbors in whatever neighborhood we find ourselves in that day. Let's create companies that give back to our communities with a genuine intention for care and connection. Let's consider the true ramifications of our decisions on those around us. 

We wake up each morning with a fresh opportunity to contribute health and wholeness to the world. Our contribution begins in our very thoughts and the intention we choose for the day—for ourselves and the people we encounter. We can change so much simply by living powerful lives of restoration and care. It all begins with our personal decision to unwaveringly demonstrate our freedom. We can design new realities that ensure home is a protected place for all life to flourish. Let's get to it.

The Next Best Practice

Have you considered that the work you're doing at this very moment, the systems you're building or tweaking, the ideas that you're conceiving and developing a strategy around could very well be next season's best practice? Imagine it! You... Cultivating an idea or a process that will help many other people... What a wonderful reality.

Business is ever-evolving. We currently stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. Let's pause. Consider them. What have we received from these women and men who influenced our lives today? I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to avoid gratitude as I process through it. Their work made it possible for us to arrive here. Incredible.

Like them, today we're doing our best. We're taking the next step, trusting that the outcome of our work will carry the vision forward and find our hopes realized. Let's take another pause. What does your picture of a fulfilled vision look like? Jot down a few of the ideas or descriptions that come to mind.

Now I want you to consider how YOU accomplish the tasks needed to see your picture come clearly into view. No one else can achieve this vision the same way you can. Consider the people you work alongside. What they bring to the table is equally as important. The way they will achieve the vision is unique and necessary. Collaboration takes us so much farther than going it alone, after all. The picture becomes more robust and gains depth. 

Take another pause. What are you or your team members doing today that's working well for you? Consider where you learned it. Consider what you've added to it or adjusted in the process. What insights have you gained? Let's mine and find the gold! 

There's a sweetness in uncovering new best practices. First, it helps us to appreciate the beauty in the 'blur.' We recognize that our lack of clarity actually acts as a catalyst for an unfolding discovery process where we adapt and create. Second, it keeps us humble. We become mindful that, just like those who came before us, our best practice will likely be tweaked or become obsolete as new generations of men and women take their positions in the marketplace. Third, our experience gives us wisdom to offer. We get to platform, encourage and equip those who will lead in the next season.

What an amazing cycle. We receive, we learn, we create and we give back. When I imagine the honor and generosity we show throughout it, I see enormous problems being solved, collaboration replacing competition and a whole lot of enjoyment in our work replacing the sense of tediousness existing in our ongoing task lists. So hey, let's get back to it. I look forward to learning from you as you develop the next best practice!

So Many Thoughts

Has anyone ever asked you, through their words or through their actions, to accept crumbs from the table? Like the remnant of a lovely meal, these bits are extended as a token gesture of goodwill. Perhaps the offer arrives mingled with a hope that this morsel is sufficient to gratify. You're too valuable not to keep around, after all. And you guess at this truth, though you don't experience your value in that room and near that table. But, maybe the hint of the possibility of access to "the more" satisfies your appetite for a while. 

Here's the thing... You're worth so much more than crumbs from a table. You're worthy of sitting at that table, sought out, enjoyed and, wait for it, fed well. And before you know it, you start to realize that you really are hungry for a good meal. The crumbs aren't cutting it anymore. Nope. They're just not enough.

May I encourage you in something? Please accept the invitation to the other dinner party. Please. Don't delay. You are lovely and delightful and cherished, thought of... Oh, so thought of... The beautiful, astounding, attentive and meaningful thoughts of One so wonderful are for you. Infinite and surprising (in the most astonishing sense), there's no way to uncover them all. Imagine that! No crumbs here. Only deep, abiding affection and love. There's so much life cascading in.

It's time to know that it's true now. You're worth that kind of thoughtfulness. Really.

Kindly, tell the crumb-bearer goodbye. You're heading off to the greatest meal of your life and you just can't make the time to stay. Wish them well because genuinely, all is well. 

And hey, enjoy the other party. I, for one, can't wait to hear all about it...

Living My Purpose, On Purpose

Raise your hand if you feel like you have a strong handle on how to address all of the challenges we're facing right now? If you're like me, you're processing a lot of thoughts and feeling a lot of feelings about how we're moving ahead. All the while, taking notice of the way others are processing the decisions that have been made and those that are being made, as well. We're in a place where all of us, I repeat, all of us, are longing for genuine change and hope. Regardless of our varying takes on the "how" it seems to me that we are each fighting for something that matters to us (and probably others). 

I woke up this morning feeling exhausted. It has become my regular experience over the past few months. Many personal realities and decisions have been weighing on me. I've been working with limited margin in my schedule since September and I have made choices that have led me here.

Looking at it all again recently, I took fresh responsibility for where I am at. No one made choices for me. I made them myself. I've found myself owning my story again more strongly these past few weeks because the truth is, it's mine to own. In the midst of the exhaustion, I feel deep peace about my "why" for each part of my life right now because my decisions are leading me somewhere. And, I think it's really good—though certainly not easy every day. 

And perhaps this is where I'm heading as I write... Each of us is alive today and therefore, we have purpose in this moment. Your purpose is not my purpose. Thank God for that. Can you imagine all 7 billion of us running around the planet doing the same exact thing? What a disaster that would be... No, we are uniquely created. We have the privilege to offer ourselves to one another by living into our purpose. As we do, it's likely that others will join us in what we're doing and contribute their unique perspective and gifts to the work because, at some point, our purpose will align with the purpose of others. We're not meant to go it alone, you know? 

What a beautiful picture. Not every problem is mine to solve. Not every need is mine to meet. Not every challenge is mine to face. There are so many of us at the table and all must contribute. But, in order to do it well, we have to own our purpose. We have to see what it is that brings us joy, what causes us pain, who we're drawn to and figure out why... In the midst of this seeing, I think we also need to note what it means to live into our purpose in a way that brings life instead of death.

• Are we loving well?
• Do we listen and choose to empathize with all people?
• What solutions are we bringing to bear?

It's really easy to point out what's wrong. It's really easy to point the finger of blame without taking a good, hard look in the mirror each day. It's really easy to stop loving because we stand strongly opposed to a person, an ideology or way forward. It's really easy to speak death instead of life. 

I'm saying all of this to myself and perhaps to you, too. I keep coming back to it, actually. Am I any better than what I oppose if I do not live a life of love, hope, peace and joy? Am I any better than what I oppose if I only speak out against and don't take action on behalf of what I am for? Am I any better than what I oppose if I am unwilling to put myself in the shoes of those with whom I vehemently disagree when it comes to ideologies and actions, seeking to empathize and understand them as a human and their personal viewpoint? 

There are sure, tried and true measures for understanding how I'm doing in this process. I can look at the fruit I'm bearing through my thoughts, feelings and actions (including my words). My calendar and my finances are also good measures of the fruit I'm bearing and what I find important and valuable in my life. The way people reflect back to me what they see and experience when they engage with me is another good measure.

At the end of the day, I am accountable for myself. If I don't think, feel, say and do the things I expect from others, I am part of the problem. It's hard to look at this, really. If I have uttered one word from a motive that isn't connected back to love today, I am part of the problem. And, I'm not living well into my purpose.

This might sound overly self-aware, but it is the truth. I can only measure how well I'm doing at being who I want to be and living into my purpose by comparing me to me. I don't get to compare myself to other people and think better of myself based on what they do versus what I do. I get to look at what is true of who I am, right here, right now. Every day I have work to do to be better and do better. It's on me, not you. You? You're responsible for you...

My life is meant to bring life. I pray I have the grace, wisdom and steadfastness to stay the course in the midst of trying times and challenging days. I want to be the best me I can be. Today, and every day, that looks like making intentional choices to employ all that I am and all that I have to live my purpose. In so doing, it is impossible that my life will not be a blessing to others. This, to me, is motivating and wonderful all wrapped into one...

Kicking Fear to the Curb

Fear seems to be running rampant in our days, these days. Current events and looming transitions are profound and we must take notice of what we see, hear and experience around us. Perhaps more importantly, I find myself noticing what's within—my own thoughts and feelings. Then I take note of how I am acting as a result of these thoughts and feelings.

When fear rises, I have been asking this question: "What thought has triggered this feeling of fear?" It's a self-diagnostic—an opportunity to conduct a check-up on where my thoughts are leading me. I continue to find the practice helpful.

Our fears have the ability to rule us. We can also dismiss them and fail to take stock of the "why" behind them. To me, either option is a great disservice we pay to ourselves and the people around us. When we live into one extreme or the other, we miss out on life.

So today, I'm inviting you to join me in further assessing these fears. If you're like me, sometimes they seem like a ball made of rubber bands. In order to understand what exists at the core of my fear, I must begin to look at each, pulling one apart from the others to investigate it individually. 

Consider taking out a sheet of paper or opening up a new note in your phone. Write down the name of each fear you can identify today (or a phrase that describes it) and then ask yourself the questions below for each fear you've captured. If this feels overwhelming, investigate a single fear and see how you feel before continuing onto the next. Really give yourself permission to take time with this process.

*Note: if you've experienced trauma in your life and haven't processed through it in counseling or another healing setting, I encourage you to walk through this process with a professional or with a trusted and deeply mature friend.

• What is the name or the sense I have of this fear?
• When is the first time I experienced it? This might not come to you right away as you reflect—that's okay. Take as long as you need to remember.
• What was happening around me or to me in that moment? Consider what you saw, heard, smelled, touched, etc.
• What did I feel in that moment? Describe it. This is important.
• What did I do when I felt afraid that day? What do I wish I would have done instead (if anything)?
• What happened next?
• Who was with me? 
• Did someone help? Who was it?
• Did someone add to my experience of fear in that moment? Who was it?
• What did this fear teach me about myself and other people?
• What decision, vow, or agreement did I make in light of what I experienced that day?
• Is that decision, vow or agreement the truth?
• If not, what is the truth?

This is deep stuff. It's okay if you hit something really tender. We can only heal when we engage our wounds and seek to understand what is underneath them. In my life, I have found, time and again, that I have made an agreement in a place of pain. That agreement has kept me trapped in a cycle of brokenness. Whenever I'm triggered by a fear that connects back to that unhealed piece of my story, I hurt all over again.

There is so much hope, though. Our fears can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and others. The key is to understand the choices we've made and continue to make from the place of pain. New decisions can be made as we see the truth and apply it. We can heal. When we heal, we can help others. It's pretty amazing, actually. 

Here are a few additional questions I find valuable:

• What new decisions will I make when I am triggered so I can continue to walk in healing? e.g. What thought will I now think in order to replace the old thought with the truth?
• Who might walk with me in this process? (We all need help and encouragement.)
• What has this fear taught me about what is real and important?
• Why does that matter to me? Why might that matter to the world?

If you didn't sit with someone as you processed these questions, I highly encourage you to share what you've uncovered with a trusted friend. Talk through the stories and the agreements you've noted. Share how you see yourself living out that fear today and share what triggers you've noticed, as well. Invite their help to take steps toward what is true and good. When we encounter love, fear is driven out. Fear cannot exist where perfect love exists.

Let's choose to kick fear to the curb in 2017... The world needs our courageous actions, motivated out of abiding love and hope, more than ever before. Let's walk in healing, peace and freedom and bring love everywhere we go!

I'm Glad I Stayed

I thought about leaving my Orlando life behind last summer. Staying with friends in Colorado during a work trip in July, I imagined being grounded there again for the first time in what felt like a million years. Between and after meetings, I savored time with friends who have known me for nearly two decades. These friends have become my family and have loved me through and through for so many years. Returning to a regular rhythm with them was seamless and restorative. The trip bookends found me with Mom and Dad, taking in landscapes of summer green acreage and Rocky Mountain grandeur. I wondered what it would be like to build a life there—to return and begin anew.

My imagination took me as far as flying back to Florida, quietly packing up my things and sending them on a big truck, westbound. I'd hop in the car and hit the road. I didn't plan to say goodbye. I remember feeling like it wouldn't matter anyway. Work could be accomplished from a distance. Friends, well, I didn't know what to think about most of them. Feeling so disconnected and invisible, I figured I'd sort out any sore feelings on the phone later. Maybe I'd even come back to visit eventually, I reasoned. Maybe.

Nothing was holding me here and I could have gone, I suppose.

When my friend picked me up from the airport, we somehow ended up on the wrong road and took a longer way back into the city. I felt grateful to curl up in the passenger seat of my car as he navigated the course. A safe friend, indeed. The extended time provided by our directional oversight was so welcome. "I don't really want to be here," I told him. There were very few people I shared that with at the time and even since. I didn't really know how to be here and I didn't think I wanted to be here anymore.

A two and a half year journey down an unknown road was wearing on me. Work challenges felt heavy. Relationships, foreign. Deep loss from back-to-back shootings in the City Beautiful followed, weeks later, by the sudden death of a beloved friend rocked me into alertness and dropped me into an abyss-like grief. And I felt acutely alone and really, really lost.

My friend who died was a huge champion of me and a fresh direction I was moving toward in my career. Her enthusiasm and hope on my behalf meant so much to me as I continued to take baby steps forward. The loss of her and her presence in my life left an unmendable gap. She was gone and none of us could do a thing about it. (It's so true that our lives matter—so much more than we might ever comprehend...)

Looking back, I'm glad I stayed, though.

The forward path has looked a lot like this photograph, taken in the early morning on a rooftop not long ago. I think life is like this—there are many paths forward. We have choices and we make decisions. We can make them from places of pain or from hope. Often, I find we make them from a mixture of the two, honestly.  But prayerfully, we allow hope to carry us in spite of our pain. 

Pain has a way of dulling our senses and all at once, making us more aware. If we're willing to sit in it and really feel, I find that we can heal. Instead of running away, perhaps we stay. Instead of staying stuck, perhaps we take a step forward in one of the directions we're considering. Our motive in the choice is key. Why we're doing what we're doing matters. And, in the end, I know this is the reason why I didn't leave Orlando last summer. I would have been running away.

And now 2017 is here. I plan to do the inspired work of keeping my feet planted on the path I'm on right now. I anticipate there will be days when it's difficult. Building something from scratch brings its challenges for sure. I realize I have to keep letting people in—even when they appear disengaged or disinterested. What we've experienced in our stories influences the way we perceive the people in our lives. It's important to note that here, I think. Give people a chance to love you this year, if you would. I'm still learning. Maybe we can grow together in that way.

I told someone recently and I'll say it again here: I'm tired at the start of this New Year, but oh so hopeful. The sheer number of courageous steps I've taken in the past five months has really shown me how far I've come on this journey. I have felt surprised by my boldness and bravery. None of it has come without effort, though. And that's why I'm hopeful. I have seen my own ability to make hard choices to heal and to grow and I'm convinced that I will do more of the same in the days to come. For what it's worth, I hope you will, too.

The Wall

Months and months ago I painted this wall. My home needed a fresh coat of color and I felt excited to brighten the space with an airy, warm neutral. Not sure which pieces to put up, I left it blank following the advice of a friend. She thought the lack of art on the wall might create margin for my imagination to engage. She was so right.

In the end, staring at this big blank canvas of a wall has been good for me but I've experienced days when I've felt lost as I've considered it, too. Life feels like that at times. There are so many possibilities--a clean slate supported by a strong foundation, but still empty somehow. And, this wall has become a living testimony of my life right now. The emptiness has afforded me with a broader capacity to dream, but I've also wondered how these dreams might translate into a tangible reality.

Yesterday, I felt restless and tired. I figured I might complete another unfinished project around the house, but I just couldn't get going. After running errands throughout the morning, I ended up back in bed on a "cold" Orlando day. I thought about a nap or watching another episode of Felicity (throwback is the best!) but couldn't settle on either. I knew if I didn't accomplish something I'd feel lousy. So, I reached out to a friend and she agreed to come over and hang with me while I tried to get some stuff done. 

Best. Decision. Ever. 

Not only did my friend show up, but I tossed all other project ideas aside and invited her help to put art on this wall. "If only I can put this one piece of chaotic, unfinished reality in order, maybe I'll be able to move forward elsewhere," I reasoned. We spent the next six hours talking and attempting alternate layouts and running to the hardware store and trying a new-to-her dinner spot before completing the process. It was WONDERFUL.

I sighed deeply as she left and I stood in silence admiring the outcome. This morning, I rejoiced again. It was worth the wait, as so many things are, in the end. 

My takeaways from this process (not new, but tremendous reminders) and hopefully some encouragement for you, as well...

• At times, a wall is a wall. In other cases, a wall is more. Know what season you're in.
• Give yourself the time and margin you need to dream and execute. Emptiness can be disconcerting but in time, those pieces will come together to fill the space.
• Invite people into the process with you. It's good to be seen, known and loved right where you're at--even if it's hard to be there right now.

If you need help in your process, please let me know. Together is better. My life is an ongoing testament to this truth! I am grateful for the constant reminder that I need other people, especially when I encounter a wall. 

A Legacy of Flowers

A friend of mine recently shared how she was asked to consider what gifts each person in her family had offered to her. These gifts had to do with what one generation passed along to the next. I noticed how each of the intangibles she identified felt personally meaningful and our conversation stirred a desire in me to uncover what I have received from my family.

One of my grandmothers was a painter. Oils were her go-to and though I never actually saw her paint, my family still displays several pieces she created. These days I wish I had witnessed her process. She often painted flowers and even as a child, I was amazed by the level of detail in her work. I wonder what it could have been like to show more curiosity and engage her about painting.

Growing up, I didn't feel very celebrated in creativity. And though I participated in choir and theatre, I didn't consider myself an artist in any capacity. I remember taking one fine arts class and feeling like such a failure when the things I'd paint or sculpt turned out terribly. (Truly, they did!) I ended my very feeble pursuit of art after that class.

For me, competence became my pathway to success. I wouldn't invest myself in areas where I saw the potential for a big fat mess outside of my wheelhouse. Because failure was so tied to my identity, I couldn't see how the simple attempt was a beautiful and fruitful endeavor.

A few years ago I was at the end of myself. The way I was living felt hollow. I was very competent in my work life but I wasn't really alive. The story is much longer, but suffice it to say it was time for a change. I had just moved to Florida and one day I had this idea: "What if I painted?" Inspired by a silhouette on a stage I'd noticed during a church gathering, I bought a canvas and some acrylic paints and sat in my room, door closed, trying to paint what I saw. Let's just say it was an interesting rendition. 

What I discovered in that place, however, was the freedom to laugh at myself and try. It felt great. I knew I might never become an amazing painter, but I found pieces of hope in those strokes. As I continued, I discovered I really loved painting two things: abstracts and funny enough, flowers. I regularly gave myself a hard time about the flowers, finding it a bit childish for some reason. I suppose it just seemed like, "Everyone can paint flowers..." It didn't seem challenging or special.

In the years since that time, I've mostly explored with acrylic and I've gotten better. Recently, a friend suggested I try watercolors because of the enormous (understatement) amount of paint I use when creating a new piece. (I really get out of hand! Ha!) And the photo I use today is a recent attempt. I actually like it.

As I painted this piece last night, I thought about my grandmother and her legacy of flowers. Our styles are completely different and her flowers don't look like this one, yet seeing it come to life is incredibly special for me. I realized she gave me something without ever telling me about it and without my ever asking about it. She passed along an appreciation for beauty and process through painting. This gift of hers has become such a sweet place of connection, reflection and growth for me--a tremendous legacy indeed. 

I wonder today: What gifts have your people passed along to you? 

You Learn As You Go, Not As You Stay

It can be paralyzing to feel like we need all of the information before we can move forward in our lives. And in our culture, we use this terminology: "Knowledge is power." While this can be very true and it can be extremely wise to gain more knowledge, I've also found that we remain stuck when we seek the guarantee of certainty through knowledge.

How will this work out for me?

How can I know this is the best decision?

What happens if I'm wrong? 

These questions, among others, are all normal and necessary. Asking them is part of the process as we move toward change. But if we rely too heavily on the answers, we may never move forward because the truth is, we can't be certain. Life is filled with unknowns and we live in the tension of not knowing. Some seasons of our lives cause us to experience this tension more strongly than others. What's amazing is how these seasons, these awkward moments, often afford us with wonderful opportunities if we don't miss them. 

One of the best ways that we learn is through experience. We grow immensely when we live with a willingness to step out with the awareness that we don't have it all under control. We take the knowledge that we have gained and we apply it in real life scenarios.

Do we make mistakes? Absolutely! Do we learn a ton? Yes! 

I'm living in this reality right now. I started a new project a number of months ago and if I could go back in time and adjust my approach I would change so many things. But the truth is, the hindsight has given me insight. Though that feels painful in some ways, I have gained a whole new set of tools to employ on my next project. This is GOLD.

So today, I wonder: Where are you at in the process? 

I offer this reminder and encouragement to you: You learn as you go, not as you stay...